What Have I Become?
by Beckles1987
Summary: It was one thing to go over the top while arresting or interrogating a suspect, even though it was still reprehensible, but to assault a member of his own team was beyond the pale. Rated for themes and language. Inspired by the trailer for series 3 ep 7.


**This was inspired by the trailer for series three episode seven...and no I don't mean the almost kiss...more's the pity because that would proabably be more fun to read. I had to get this out of my system because I've been more than a little annoyed at Gene's behaviour and how Alex said nothing about the way he roused her from the coma.**

**The title and chapter titles come from the song Hurt...I don't know who wrote it but the version I know is sung by Johnny Cash  
**

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Alex could hardly believe her eyes. Gene had Chris on the floor in the middle of CID, Chris who'd worked with him for a decade and idolised him for just as long.

"Guv! Guv! GENE!" He ignored her as carried on yelling at the clearly intimidated DC. Nothing she, Shaz or Ray were saying made any difference. It was one thing to go over the top while arresting or interrogating a suspect, even though it was still reprehensible, but to assault a member of his own team was beyond the pale. She wasn't going to stand by and watch it happen, she was too much her mother's daughter, too much a twenty-first century DI.

Gene pulled his arm back further and Alex knew she had to act immediately. She grabbed him from behind; wrapping one of her arms around the one Gene had raised against Chris, the other across his chest, and pulled him away with all the strength she could muster.

He dropped Chris like hot shit and stood abruptly, shoving off whoever had the balls to put their hands on him. In her heeled boots, Alex's centre of gravity was off, she couldn't balance, couldn't stop herself from falling or hitting her head on the corner of a desk on the way to the floor.

The department was deathly quiet as Gene turned around at Alex's gasp of pain, realising exactly who'd tried to protect DC Dickhead and what he'd done to her.

"Bolly…" Alex recognised the tone of voice from the day he shot her but was too shocked, too angry and hurt to care about Gene's feelings of remorse, assuming they were even genuine. He held out a hand to help her up and she looked at it in disgust, rising to stand on her own. When she stumbled slightly he took a step forward.

"Don't you fucking touch me." Shaz went to help her up, eyes widening in disbelief when she saw the corner of the desk.

"Ma'am…I think you're bleeding." Alex put her hand to the back of her head and felt warm wetness on her fingertips, felt her hair sticking together. She took her hand away and looked at the blood like she'd never seen it before.

"Alex…" The glare she gave him for daring to talk to her would have been enough to kill him if her eyes hadn't been filled with tears. As things stood Gene would have almost preferred death. "I…"

"If you apologise I will rip your balls off and use them as a paperweight." She looked away from him before he saw her cry. "Shaz can you bring the first aid kit?" Alex knew that Shaz would realise she was heading to the ladies locker room, territory no male officer would invade, not Hunt, not even Keats…and Alex prayed she didn't bump into him as she left CID, head held high, tears slowly trickling down her cheeks.

Shaz retrieved the first aid kit from the kitchen and left without looking his way once, her opinion of him was obvious. Gene realised, as each member of his team, _his_ team, turned or looked away, that he was a few words in Keats' ear away from losing everything he cared about. More than ever before, his life was in her hands. He'd given her the power to destroy him, everything he'd spent twenty-odd years working for. He retreated to his office and waited for the axe to fall.

Despite the fact that what had just happened was the stuff of Jimbo's wet dreams, his career wasn't foremost in his thoughts. He'd never slapped a woman's face before waking Alex from the coma he'd put her in, but that had been out of sheer desperation…he still tasted bile whenever he remembered it. This time, he hadn't meant to hurt her, he'd meant to punch Chris who was a bloke, albeit by a fairly loose definition of the word, but it didn't matter…either way he'd got aggressive and made a woman, no just any woman, Alex…he'd made her bleed…again. There was no excuse, no accident or coma…he hadn't been trying to save anybody, he'd been trying to hurt somebody…just not that somebody, not her.

He was getting reckless, going too far, hurting people he should be keeping safe…he was turning into his old man. His mum was probably turning in her grave at the thought of her boy becoming his father, Sam too. Christ, if that wiry twat had accidentally hurt Annie he'd have suspended him, demoted him, arrested him, kicked the living shit out of him…there was a line, a line he'd sworn to his mum and himself that he'd never cross, that no decent man would ever cross.

There was no wonder the team were starting to doubt him, hell he doubted himself, had done since Operation Rose. Nothing had gone right since that day and he'd been taking it out on everybody, been angrier than he should have been at people who were trying their best for him.

If Alex handed Keats his head on a plate he wouldn't blame her in the slightest, in her eyes he'd probably earned it a hundred times over. The connection he felt to her had shattered with her version of 'the truth', he had felt betrayed, alone, adrift and then he'd threatened to kill her…almost bloody followed through with it too, not on purpose, never on purpose, but tell his guilty conscience that. How did you try to fix something like that? He hadn't had a clue so he hadn't tried. He hadn't made it up to her or tried to get the real truth, he just acted like he didn't give a shit, like she was just his DI, just a posh plonk tart like her nickname suggested.

Twenty-five years plus in the force didn't count for shit, the scum he'd put away, the lives he'd saved…none of it mattered anymore. His entire life boiled down to this place, these people. He could be kicked out of his office, out of the station, escorted out by Keats' henchmen, or Chris and Ray which would be worse…and the people, his team, the only mates he had, they were rightly disgusted with him for hurting their DI. Their opinion of him rested on what Bolly did next, whether she forgave him or damned him.

He could only hope that she gave him another chance, a last chance.

Hope was all he had left…hope and Alex Drake.


End file.
